Healthy Expectations, Part 2: Seniors: Stay Positive and Look Forward

After most ED 1 Decisions, some students are happy, others disappointed. 

My seniors have worked hard, perfecting applications since the spring. Together, we crafted essays that express their defining qualities and boosted, and fine-tuned, attention-getting activity lists. I helped them honestly choose majors (including undeclared/exploratory) that speak to their direction. We balanced college lists between Likelies, Possibles, and Reaches. That’s why many students have been receiving “Admitted!” messages for a while, some with scholarships for over $100,000 over four years. And yes, some of those are Reaches.

When students set their hearts on Unlikely colleges (those which deny 85% plus applicants), I try to help them manage expectations. “Unlikely” colleges are truly “Wild Cards.” Every applicant is highly qualified, and may include up to 26,000+ valedictorians, an equal number of salutatorians, and students from all over the globe, many of whom have won academic competitions and published notable work.

While we all hope for good news, assuming admission is unrealistic. It may feel personal, but it is not. Institutional priorities dictate if a school is looking for students to fill their new data science major, more tuba players, or more kids from Idaho.

I make clear that the competition in an uber-competitive program (i.e., a STEM field like Computer Science or Engineering) in a most-selective institution is brutal. Admissions must make tough decisions among the highest achievers in the field–in the US and internationally. And while admission to some colleges seems achievable, applying to the business school may result in a denial.

A few students were deferred from a college that defers 90% of its applicants every year. I am relieved that although they were disappointed, they were not shocked. 

Denials and deferrals are part of the college application process.

“If you are denied, repeat this mantra: ‘There will be other, better colleges for me and it is their loss.’ LET IT GO. Don't obsess about why it happened. It is out of your control. And most importantly, this is NOT a referendum on your success at college, your ability to have a happy life or your value as a person.” 

I’m rooting for you, from now through May 1st.

Enjoy the holidays--give yourself a break from college talk!

You Are a Qualified Applicant...But Here's Why You May Have Been Denied

Congratulations to my seniors who have been admitted to your ED and EA colleges!

As Early Decision admission decisions roll in, the understandable confusion from parents, counselors, and students rolls in behind them. Few are questioning acceptances; it’s the denials (imprecisely called “rejections” by students and families) that cause the stress.

We’re talking about the most highly selective colleges everyone talks about. Those of us who sit on stage at high school events where stressed parents (and by osmosis, their stressed children) ask, “What do colleges want?” or “Why is it so hard to get into <insert most selective college name>?”

At these colleges, your ability to control things is less than you think:

• Who reads your file: The admissions office may have dozens (or more) first readers. That person is subject to all the biases and random events that affect attitude on any day. The day your file pops up, they could have gotten praise from a boss, or their dog might have died. They might love your sarcastic and ironic tone, or it might cause them to stop reading your file before finishing your essay.

  
  

• When your file gets read: Your file might pop up after the application of a brilliant researcher or the one who submitted the worst essay of the year. It might get read at 10 am on a Tuesday, or 4pm on a Friday, with dozens more to read before the reader can knock off for the weekend.

  
  

• What other people say about you: Your letter of recommendation might not be glowing, even though the teacher who submitted it loved you. When I worked at Grinnell, an Iowan student’s teacher wrote “She’s not afraid to ask questions if she doesn’t understand the content.” Any Iowan would recognize that as a compliment. But one faculty member from Brooklyn, New York) read this and said, “Clearly, this student is slow on the uptake."

  
  

• Whether your grandparents’ have their name on a campus building: If your name is Barney Rubble VI, and the library is named “The Betty and Barney Rubble IV Memorial Library,” your file will get more attention, even before the Advancement Office signs the deal on the Pebbles and Bam-Bam Rubble Recreation Center. (Yes, Bam-Bam was actually named Barney Rubble V, and he and Pebbles did marry after the series ended.) These days, a nine figure donation definitely moves the needle.

• It's usually not about your application at all.

  
  

The lesson here is that you will never know why you were not admitted; it’s almost never one factor. And you won’t know if you missed it by a hair or a mile. It is perhaps a cruel but poignant lesson that will be repeated many times in your life. Sometimes things don’t go your way. And even when they don’t, they usually turn out just fine because of who you are.

This has been edited/rewritten for length and clarity from a post of Jon Boeckenstedt, a respected university admissions professional.

Healthy Expectations, Part 1

One thing that parents and students can do to prepare for decisions is to have realistic expectations. This advice is good for all, but is especially relevant for high-achieving students, ones who rarely hear a "no", and who are often wildly successful in all their endeavors....until it comes to college admissions. 

Managing expectations can be incredibly difficult. Parental pressure, external pressure from peers who know how brilliant, gifted, accomplished, talented you are, internal pressure on oneself, and pressure from other adults who can't imagine you not getting into the most selective colleges. It makes things harder when students hear repeatedly about what stand-outs they are, and how they deserve to get into, and/or will undoubtedly get into, the most competitive schools in the country.

The best defense against unrealistic expectations is a good offense. Gathering the most recent admit rates to potential colleges is a start, but that number doesn’t tell you everything.

Many schools admit directly into certain majors. Understand that certain majors are incredibly competitive, and will lower an already low admit rate at some schools. At UCLA, the overall admit rate for fall 2023 was only 9%. However, the admit rate for Computer Science was 3.1%. While it’s not possible to gather this information for every school, know that "hot" majors are nursing, engineering, biology, psychology, business, certain arts majors, and of course–computer science. Understand that admission to Computer Science at any “most selective” school will be statistically close to impossible. 

Top American colleges admit students HOLISTICALLY. This isn't to judge the admissions process; it's to help families understand its complexity so they can go into application season with healthy expectations. Admissions decisions may not seem to make sense, and often, there's time and energy spent trying to figure out why a student wasn’t admitted somewhere when someone else the student knows (usually someone who appears "less qualified") did get in. We’ll dig deeper next week in Healthy Expectations, Part 2.